My Journey to becoming a great photographer: started February 2011

As soon as I get back from Miami, I have a hectic week. My first photo exhibit is that next week. Okay, so its not mine, but I am one of 15 amazing artist to be featured in a month long exhibit honoring African American month called the African American Art Collective. Curated by a amazingly talented and hard working artist Karston Tannis.

I feel I was lucky to be apart of such an amazing exhibit and to have an opportunity like that. An old friend from college had recently seen my work, and expressed how much she loved my work. Its always so exciting for me, when I get good feeback about my work. I'll be honest, I don't have much confidence when it comes to myself as a photographer. I know that will come, and I know a lot will have to do with ME! So as much as I do enjoy my own work, and as much as I wish it resembled someone elses sometimes; in terms of quality and knowledge; it really makes me feel good when someone else likes my photos.
So this old friend from college contacts me via Facebook and tells me about an exhibit that will be opening and she knows the guy who is putting it all together. She thought it would be a good idea for me to contact him. And so I jumped at it, not knowing what the outcome would be or the process. I was a bit nervous actually. I didn't know what kind of pictures to send hm, how many to send, which ones to send. I was a wreck. It was another artist who was going to be looking at my work, Would he like it?
Would he tell me that my work wasn't what they were looking for for this exhibit, would he just say No, would he put me in the exhibit and I only have 1 piece while everyone else had 8. I didn't know, and as much as I wish I didn'; I did care. A lot. I'm not around many other artist to learn from daily, or to get confidence from. This is so new to me.

Finally I got the email saying I would be in the exhibit and I had to pieces in it. So you'd think I was jumping up and down. Nope, I was still not satisfied for some reason. There is this part of me that wants to be the best. To want others to know Im the best. But I know, I dont deserve that right now. Im just starting in this, haven't even through the ropes yet. Here I knew there were probably lots of other artist who where much more of experts than me. And here I am with 2 pictures, that he wanted in 8x10. I don't no. I just felt like I was going to walk in there and feel so little, so minute comapred to everyone else.

I walked in and as much as I would have wanted 5 pieces up on that wall I was okay. The location of my pictures was the only thing that I feel upset me and made me realize how much more I needed to grow as a photographer. it was off on the side, in a shadow and a glear. There was no studio lights on them like the others had to showcase them and bring them to light. But there they stood, my work; one of 15 others. And I realized this was big. Its my first exhibit. Now that goes down in the books. If I weren't there, I'd be at home, feeling down not knowing a thing about this great exhibition. And here I was one of the artist featured in it, amongst many other great artist.

That night was overwhelming to the least. I received my first approach to buy my piece. That was beyond exciting, even though nothing came through, it made that night all the better. I met many new people. I was officially apart of a new community.

I wouldn't take back that night for anything. And, im now being introduced to amazing opportunities just from this. Things I would never have been able to do or learn, at least not this soon.

Yes, I still have a long way to go to be that "I know Im good, I dont care what anyone says" girl (photographer), but Im working on it. Im so happy with the opportunity this February has brought me. It was a big month.

AAAC @ Salt Space NYC: Featured Photographer: Erin Douglas

January

Let me recap the things I have been up to over the past few months.

The days can be somewhat hard to get through. I dont get any reply emails back from jobs I have applied for or phone calls. Another rediculously enormous bill comes in the mail. I just feel unmotivated. But when I look back on the month as a whole there are things that make everything feel a little better.

January 2011, I started my count down to my first marathon; well my first Half marathon. (Full marathon will be in the works). It took a lot of work. tons of running in the summer and my most serious training during the winter months. I never thought I would be out there in the freezing cold weather, freezing winds and snow running. Never in my wildest mind. I hate the cold first of all. So to go out in the cold with as little as some running tights and a turtle neck never seemed appealing to me. But I did it, and it's what got me ready for my first marathon. My biggest accomplishment of the month and the year so far.

I took on my first race in sunny Miami Florida, so it was a great getaway and great place to run. Especially since it wasn't cold. Just last year I would have never thought Id be running so much let a lone run in a marathon.
It was an amazing experience, one ill never forget. Im so glad I got to share it with my boyfriend and I was able to document it and get so much support.

This week starting off

I realized I need to figure out a way to always have a few good things happen by the end of the week to outway the bad. Whether its making sure I apply to a certain amount of jobs, landing a interview. Just something that I can say, I accomplished something. Its better than nothing. I know right now, Ill always have "bad days". I mean come on, Im making no money, haven't been able to land a job I am completely interested in and Im still trying to figure my damn self out. So when I think of all that I say Geeesshhh, Life sucks. But its not all about that. And doing something different and knew is always a plus and another notch on my belt. Im at a place most people dont get a chance to go through. You may say, who would want to go through a time like this. I woulnt choose to on first thought. But unlike most, I get to work on myself. Learn who I am. Do things I wouldn't normally be able to do. I can try different things. Wake up when I want. explore this world I live in. I can try my hardest to focus on finding a job that I think I'll like. Its the best and worst situation anyone can ever be in. Literally.


So this week I have an interview (Wednesday). My first one in a very long time. I also landed a week long interview as the set photographer for a small film in NY. I am a bit nervous for both. I haven't had an interview in a while, and I'm now racking my brains about what I have done wrong in interviews in the past. Its for a position that is interesting in, but completely different from what I have doe thus far in a job. That is what excites me most about the job, but that isnt what the hiring manager only wants to hear. Oh man, don't freak out Erin, dont freak out.

The photography job, will hopefully be very fun. I hope it wont be to stressful once I get the gist of what exactly the want me to capture etc. Im looking forward to doing something different than I've done before, working on a set (even if its a small low budget film), and working with the director of photography. I've always been interested in learning more about a DP and this is the perfect chance to really ask questions and see what the job entails.

So, I haven't really had a great week yet in terms of new accomplishments for this week. Everything new Im doing this week is from what I did last week. I need to step my game up, and keep it rolling. I love having these highs because its so easy to stay low.

This week

The past few weeks have been good. I've had a few down days, but when I think about it, Ive done a lot over the past 2 weeks. And so I should be proud.
I came off of a high from last week. Having just ran my first half marathon and getting two pieces of my photography work into an art exhibit for the month of February. It was an exciting few days. An amazing gallery opening, really made me excited of what it would feel like to be recognized for my work.

The beginning of this week however just didn't start off well. I knew I had to start really going hard looking for a job. I need one, bad. The funds are low and it is too stressful having to be so conscious of $10 and what I should put it towards vs. what I want to do. I began to freak out. My unemployment will soon be over, not that it was much, but it helped out a bit. Better than nothing at all. I have been cooped up in the house for several weeks, trying to do all of my work here. Although it keeps me from spending money, I think I'm starting to go crazy. there is no motivation here. But there are just so many things to do, I don't no where to start, and so I just stay here. Its horrible, I hate it but I'm freaking out. It wasn't until later in the week that I really started to feel better. I got a few calls back from applications I sent in. I made myself leave the house. I went to a red velvet cake competition today to take some pictures and support a friend... all the way in BK. I'm glad I went. I have an interview coming up. Wont really talk about it, until after the interview. Don't want to get to excited. I dropped off my resume to a few places. Not a bad way to end off the week. And I really needed it. I know a lot of it is up to me to make things happen. But when you've been shot down so many times and you feel there is no place for you to go, no one who will give you a chance, or truly understands what your going through I tell you its hard to get your ass off the couch.

But each day like I said is a new day, and new learning experience. And you know what, ill take a few bad days in the beginning if I get a great day to end it with.

I should have started this in the beginningil

Hi,
So I wish I had started this 2 years ago when I was first laid off. The stories I would have been able to document to utter detail would have been great to go back to. I always had this fear, however to have the proof (other than the reality I was facing) there, evident on paper of what I was actually going through. This hard time in my life I would have never accounted for. The fact that if I had started this blog 2 1/2 years ago, I would still be writing till this day. Because till this day I am still unemployed. I would have countless stories and posts admitting how unsuccessful I had been to date. That scared me, and in a way always prevented me from really just writing fully. I kept a journal, which I never completely committed to. I can remember a lot, but a lot of things have been lost. Its been 2 1/2 years of hard times, crying, stress, loosing confidence, learning, understanding, crying more, giving up, not giving up, having fun and worrying.
It has been extremely hard, but I know it is shaping me into something I have yet to even understand. This time was meant for me to experience. And although I can not wait for the day it is all over. The day I don't have to worry about not having enough money to buy a metro card. The day I don't have to stay in the house in order to make sure I don't spend money. The day I can prove to my parents that they did well. Although I can  not wait for the day this is all over, I know this is probably the biggest learning experience I will ever have in my life. And I can not wait most of all to share my story with others. With those youngens who have yet to know what life will bring them. For those who have just experienced being laid off for the first time. For those who didn't realize that they would not find a job so quick, and would be out of work for a great period of time. I can not wait to help those who are still trying to figure out life and what they should do.

Yes it is still hard, because as I write I am still unemployed. But I have a lot Ive done. A lot to share. And I'm not really ashamed to say unemployed. I actually take pride in the fact that I've survived in a tough place, without my family. Ive made it through a time not everyone would have.

So, although I wish I had started this long ago; I'm no longer afraid. I'm ready to share my stories and have it as proof for myself.  its a daily struggle, but I know I will be victorious in the end, whenever that may come. Oh please let it come soon, but in the mean time ill just take it as a learning experience. That will help me get to the next day with a smile (of some sort).

I will be sharing my unemployed stories from the beginning and present!
Lets begin.